Almost a rage blackout over no soy milk

I went to Caffe Artigiano today to buy an Americano. I’ve been doing well at sticking to a conscious budget lately, but I was working on a presentation all night and only slept for 30 minutes. Out of character, yes. I haven’t sacrificed sleep for work since the first year of my Masters’ degree – so I guess about five years ago was the last time – but this was important to me. I had just handed in an assignment 1.5 hours late for the first time in my post-secondary education life, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be unprepared for this presentation. Handing that assignment in late really cute me deep – just the principal of the matter – I actually had ended up having a cry on the phone with my mom over how it symbolized that I wasn’t balancing my priorities properly. Anyways, live and learn. And I did – hence the no sleep, but the presentation went well!
So now I’m off to Artigiano because I’m starting to hit a brick wall and I need to get the revisions on my presentation done and to extract more data. I order my Americano and wait patiently for it to come and when it does, I ask my standard, “do you have soy milk?”
Yes, don’t get me started on soy. I knooooow – but it’s either that or just drink the coffee black – oh the irony of that statement.
“No, sorry we don’t.”
“Paaardon?” I say in disbelief. What do they mean they don’t have soy?!?  Yes they do, I get soy there whenever I go.
“We don’t have soy, we ran out.”
“Oh, well…” I don’t know what to say. What do they mean they don’t have soy?!?! I feel my heart rate starting to rise and an impulsive need to lash out brewing from my toes up until about neck level. I am tired. All I wanted was a nice Americano with some soy. Maybe they should have thought to put up a sign up or mention it as I ordered my coffee. I would have gone elsewhere. I want to tell her to keep the coffee.
“Sorry. We ran out. I’m really sorry,” the girl behind the counter repeats.
I look at her and then I stop.  What is this that I feel? Annoyance, raised heart rate… anger mixed with an ego-driven need to throw a fit. The great thing about practicing consciousness and awareness is that in about as quickly as those feelings came over me, the awareness of those feelings also popped into my consciousness. I had gone from the happy calm of enjoying a nice, sunny day on the street… from leaving my office and getting to take in some sun and play some leaf-rustling tunes with my hands as I walked… to getting so worked up because I couldn’t have soy in my coffee. Oh ego! You’re such a spaz. Awareness is beauty.
“No, no, it’s fine.” I say.
“I’m really, really sorry.” The girl is still apologetic. I’m sure she felt the energy of my initial annoyance.
“No, it’s fine.” My sympathetic nervous system is still running high, but my mind is at peace. Just a little breathing and inner rationalization. An inner dialogue with myself: You’re  just tired. You just wanted some soy in your coffee and that’s fine. I get why you’re so upset. But lashing out isn’t going to change anything. I get why you’re upset… but really, it’s going to be ok. Of course it’s going to be ok. It’s just a coffee. It’s just a coffee.
And so it went. When I got out onto the street and was back to my inner calm, I remembered that we had soy in the fridge at work. Duh! I didn’t end up using it though. I had gone to get an Americano because I wanted to appreciate the taste of a good coffee. And so appreciate the taste of a good coffee I did.

4 thoughts on “Almost a rage blackout over no soy milk

  1. This is something that I have to work on. Just stop myself before the rage comes out, and think, before t ruins everything . I’m having a bad week in my relationship because of my impatience and hot blood, all sourced from the long term stress I have been having 😦

    • I’m sorry to hear that. A good place to start may be trying to identify what part of the long-term stress you can affect and re-shape… as well as to start asking yourself where the source of the rage is coming from. Ask yourself, what’s really the matter? Usually the “trigger” is just an outlet for displaced anger. All the answers come from within – and a lot of the time they’re buried deep within so start slow and gentle… and be loving with yourself. A journey of a thousand miles beguns with a single step! ❤

  2. Great post about the impulse and imbalance between our conscious and subconscious entities.
    Short story….
    A lady at the office that I will start working at soon, has such a level of stress, I am having difficulty relating to her.
    I used to stop by her office, and sit and chat.. minutes at a time…not too long, not too short. We did connect. Then she snapped at me once. I avoided her from then on.. But, I began to feel that she might think is was snubbing her. So, I returned to my old habit of saying hello, just niceties really, no details please, and this last time… I stopped by and said: ” Hi, how are you today?” that is all…. She snapped again, ” I am so busy and stressed!! I don’t have time.”
    I took it so personally. I am not sure how to proceed with her from here. My close personal advisor (husband) says that I should shut her out and operate on a professional level with her. Obviously, that does not sit well with me.. I am a social being and do not like using my credentials to differentiate between rank and file. Husband says I should put her in her place. I am quite close with her boss. I think that is the source of her anger, as they were close before I came along, and are still close. I think she doesn’t want to share his attention. Live and let live, is what I would like to do. And continue to be me, and as approachable and amicable as always. I do not want to “Shut her out”, til she learns that being rude to people is not acceptable.
    Stupid ego..

    • Hey Sandy! I did not realize you replied to this post because your comments are approved automatically. I need to figure out how to get updates when you comment. That sounds like a toughie… like you said, no one has a right to treat you with disrespect and the lady’s behavior most likely has little to do with you, but is a reflection of her own issues. I totally agree that you should in no way stop being you, but maybe you should bend a little. For example, how about just walking by her office and saying “hi” without the “how are you”… and after you say it, slowly keep on walking. If she replies with a question, or initiates a conversation, then you can reply kindly, or go one step further and stop and chit-chat. If she doesn’t then that’s fine too because you’ve just kept on trucking anyways. That way, you’re still remaining open and “you” while remaining out of the line of fire. Whatcha think? ❤

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