As I was waiting at the bus stop today, I heard a stomach curling half howl, half cry of anguish. I scanned the people around me, trying to figure out what was happening. Nothing. Just a crowd of people, waiting for the bus. Then I heard it again. And again. And again. I continued to scan until I noticed a lady wiping her eyes. I looked away. I heard the cry-howl again and so I looked back over. I studied the lady. It was hard to place her age. She had long grey hair pulled back in a pony tail. Her clothing was faded. Her face had the markings of struggles and hardships. There was deep pain behind her eyes. I looked away. Everytime I looked back over she was still wiping her eyes and seconds felt like minutes as I could literally feel my heart breaking. So much pain. So much pain. Our eyes finally connected and so I made my way through the crowd of waiting people and over to her.
“Would you like a hug?”
“When I’m upset, I find hugs comforting. So I thought… … … would you like a hug?”
Then she began to talk. I couldn’t really make out what she was saying. From what I gathered, her partner of twenty years had just been taken away by mental health because her and her partner had been raising concerns about practices that they thought were unfair. She mentioned something about her identification being cut up by the police.
“There must be something you can do. Isn’t there someone you can go to? Like a social worker?” What a naaive question, but I didn’t know what else to do.
“Social workers are the government. The government keeps files on you and then they use everything against you.”
“You’re sorry? You’re sorrrrry?!?!?!?”
She continued to speak, but she was getting more and more agitated. Her voice rising. The energy of her anger started to hit me more and more to the point that I was getting scared. Scared of the displaced anger directed towards me. Scared by the intensity of the energy that was eminating from her. Scared by the fact that I didn’t know what to say or do. Scared by feeling so helpless. Then Ego began to creep in and I started to become conscious of people around us. A feeling of embaressment was trying to creep in. I had made my way over to this woman because I know what it’s like to be broken and feel so alone. I think most of us do. And her pain had pervaded my heart. I just wanted her to know… to feel… that she wasn’t alone. I wasn’t going to abandon her now. And so it was time to start focusing on my breath. Focusing on my breath and visualising being grounded and emiting a calm and compassionate energy. Releasing White Light.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m just sorry that’s happened to you.” Then I continued to breathe and do my best to continue emitting a calming and grounding energy.
The woman continued talking, but her voice was beginning to lower again.
Must keep focusing on my breath while being present in the moment.
I didn’t know what to say or do so I just continued to listen as the woman continued to get her frustration out. That’s all I could do for her. All I could do was help her release some of that poisonous energy so that it wasn’t eating away at her. Besides, she’d also stopped crying. And so I continued to listen, and breathe, and trust that compassion would once again conquer the feeling of anxiety that had invaded me. Then the bus came. I felt relieved in a way. My heart was bleeding for this woman and I was beginning to feel drained and anxious. I felt that I had done all I could do. I rubbed the lady’s shoulder and headed right… she looked at me and headed left… and so it went.
The lady’s pain had become my pain… and through this I hope that some of my White Light had crept into the spots where some of her pain once was. We are all connected through the collective unconscious. We all bleed. We all breathe. We all feel. And we all came from the same split second blast that created all that is around us. We are all literally connected and the sooner we start to tap into that connection, the sooner a world filled with laughter, love, and White Light will come. If I stopped to hug you and you stopped to hug her and she stopped to hug him and so it continued to spread like wildfire… would everyone eventually get a hug?