This month I resolve…

I feel over-worked. Anxious a lot of the time. Tired. These feelings have been pretty dominant the last month. And I need them to stop. I see the light, because my study is launching… but is what I’m going through really just a reflection of all that’s on my plate? Fundamentally? There’ll always be a lot to do… unless I don’t want there to be, but I do. I’ve got plans and goals and dreams that require a lot of work. So I need to think beyond this point in time and look at the horizon.

For the last month I’ve felt over-worked, anxious, tired and I’ve been focusing on feeling over-worked, anxious, tired, and all that it has brought me is feeling like I need to work more in order to over-come the anxiety and work, and then I won’t be so tired. Only that logic hasn’t worked. All it has done is created a vicious cycle. And like Newton said – an object will stay at rest or in uniform motion until acted upon by an external force. And I see the cycle. I am aware of the cycle. And so it’s time to make a conscious decision. Now it’s time for the external force:

This month, I resolve to focus my thoughts on the parts of my default world work that are ok. I will make a list of aspects that are neutral. Then, as I do this, I will also add in aspects that are more than ok – they make me happy. And when I start to feel anxious and like I’m drowning, I will take a second to pause and focus on one item from this list. And just breathe and let the feelings flow through me… visualize and feel them drifting away into the river of thoughts and feelings and dark and light. Little droplets making their journey from me and through me and away from me. Each time. And once the droplets of these feelings flow through me and into the river, I’ll come back into the moment and will keep plugging along, trying my best and knowing that that’s more than enough. Because what more can we ask of ourselves, than to try our best?!?

Our attention and focus are a very powerful thing. We shape our realities through them. So with this month’s resolution, I’m realigning myself with the person I want to be. Because I miss me and having time to hang out with me in careless wonder and playing with my surroundings. I miss the simple joys. And soon they’ll all come back to me. Slowly, slowly. Because, where the light shines, the flowers will grow.

6 thoughts on “This month I resolve…

  1. Oh, A… You spell out my existence in this post… I hope that by the end of May, I can set aside all of my concerns for a few months… I find I am also anxious and perseverative on my multiple tasks and responsibilities. I welcome the sun to shine on my flowers!!

    • I know, right?!? Another important thing that this experience has thought me is to know what my “flowers” are. I mean not only the flower patch that represents my goals and dreams, but also the flower patch that is made up of things that make me happy. It is important to make the time to shine the light (so focus some of my attention and devote some of my time) to both. The happiness flower patch will, well help ensure that we maintain some semblance of balance in our lives and do things that bring us joy. The dreams patch should be a natural extension of the happiness patch. Anyways, a concept I’ve been playing with. I’ve been meaning to share the importance of happy list – it makes the world of a difference. I will this week. Xox

  2. Careful not to spend so much time looking to the horizon that you forget to look right around you too. It’s easy to find happiness in the flower patch, but much more difficult to find it in the scary dark forest….but it’s still there and important to find. Don’t waste your days waiting for the flower patch.

    • You’re right Mel. Thank you for the reminder… its so easy to get swept up in looking at what isn’t instead of looking around at what is. And in exploring the darkness we learn the most about ourselves and the light. ❤

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